2008- Happy New Year

Well this year has started with a bit of drama! Very funny that I thought being married will mean feeling cozy and secured and loved… Something I have longed for for the better part of my life, love, acceptance understanding, affection and friendship… it is well.

A happy new year indeed! and i really mean that! I have just come to realise the truth of something i have always known... only you can make yourself happy... no one and i mean no man on earth can complete a woman... God has so created us that the craving we usually feel... you may call it loneliness or the want of affection... whatever.... can only be filled by HIM - his love and presence.

Right now i should be the most miserable of all women, i mean going by my nature and normal human feelings.... this is supposed to be the new year i have looked forward to for the better part of my adult years... and how did it turn out?... funny . It is funny when you think you know a person and then you realise you havent the foggiest idea who they are!

I am talking about the man i married, my husband.... the Ayo i thought I knew is so different from this very man i am seeing in my very before! I mean how childish can a person be?... truth be spoken, i honestly think i credited him with more maturity than he really has... but then, he is my husband, what can i do? I guess i just have to play the sheep in this relationship for it to work. Afterall, he is my husband! i am duty bound before God and man to make things work.... but how am I supposed to get over the fact that he humiliated me in public? i almost cant believe it. But then, believe it or not, what has happened has happened... i will make the best of things. Work on myself, draw inspiration form God and most of all... BE A CHRISTIAN!

Well, to talk of other things, I am resolved this year by the grace of the most high to do the following

1. most important of all my wishes plans and resolves is to draw near to God... I want to be a Christan again! to find my first love and re-establish myself with him again.... pray like i have never prayed, worship God in the sincerity of my heart and have Him draw me close to him....
2. i want to read my bible and pray for at least 1 out of every 24 hours... actually i just thought of that now... i would really help me grow and learn of and from God. thinking back now, i know God permitted yesterday night to be the way it was so i could end up here having this time out with my maker
3. Another thing to develop all the ideas God has given me in the past few months..... stop dilly-dallying and get up and do something!. How else is God going to help me? he has opened doors, he has given me a good mind, granted me favor in the right quarters? its about tim i got up form my slumber and take my life in my hands.
   i think i was just a tad bit confused what being married meant... i thought it was about living the life of the other person, but alas! this morning it has come clear to me.... it is about living your life putting the other person into consideration. Knowing this now i know i have to get up and get doing. Get back in the driver';s seat of my life and make things happen for myself.
4. I have 2 major things i a turning around in my head at the moment.... 1. starting an NGO to cater for women's genital health and help counsel pple who have are are in distress over the issues. 2. The garage thingy.... i mean what other confirmation do i need? how else can GOD make a thing clear to you... it is as if it came to me in a dream..... so i will get on both, but then taking one at a time....
5. I should be getting married to Ayodele in June, i pray God's will be done.... In spite of all i said earlier on, i love this man, unreasonable he may be sometimes, he is a good man. Sitting here, collecting my thoughts, praying and unwinding, i realise that i am going to have to swallow my pride and do what seems foolish even to me... go back home and apologise for God knows what!... I want to be a good wife to Ayo, to encourage him to be the best in life, and like Pastor Sarah said at the watch night service, I will be a solution to his problems and not be a part of his problems.... i make myself clear on what needs to be know but then i will employ the tool of humility in dealing with him. I have never been married, or ever even seen a working relationship before, but i am trusting God for wisdom to do it right. After all, it is often said that the stability of a home depends much on the wife. But them an issue that bothers me is this.... how do i manage my finances and not tell lies or seem selfish? If i am to go by what i have seen so far, Ay is not a good funds manager and he doesnt care much for pple telling him what to do, and in fairness to him it is his money anyways! but5t i dont want to be dragged into debt or lack through recklessness... so how do i do it?
6. what i suggest to myself is to be fair.... pay inot my future first, into my present now and then share what i can. Mi o fe di onikanra, so i will not do what i cant... i will keep tabs on what i do with my money and pray that God grants me the wisdom to do things right.
7. my job - Honestly i a really bothered.... i am just praying to God for favor concerning the accounts.... once it balances now.... i will be most grateful to God. also this new opportunity Tunji was talking about.... i pray to God for favor with the man in BGL securitiesJide... afterall the heart of kings is in the hands of the most high and like rivers of water, he direct them to where he pleases.... i recieve if it is according to will of God. I just pray the offer will be mouth watering..... :-))

I have been writing for a while now... and i must say this time out has been rewarding for me. i am calmer... more together. I will call ayo now, i pray the lord speaks peace to his heart....
i am calling.... hmnnnnn... that went better than i thought.... whatever the case may be, i trust that God's counsel and purpose in my life will stand. he seems to have gotten over his anger.... whatever!

i am signing off now.... i honestly hope i will do this everyday of this year.... even if not this long, but i see it helps to express yourself.... talk to God and yourself and believe him for open your eyes to see wht needs to be seen.